Reclaiming the day…
A year ago to the date, an unfortunate event occurred in my life. One that would leave me with temporary ambulatory and balance issues due to a significant head injury, impaired ability to walk, exacerbated PTSD, and unfortunately, permanent hearing loss in my left ear. At the time, I did not know I would endure months of therapy, strengthening of both emotional and physical functioning. I had hoped for a quick recovery, but that was not in the cards. I have slowly recovered over time. In some ways, I am still recovering from the incident, as I am still receiving therapy and treatment. Those who saw me in November saw me with a cane and having to adapt to noise and large groups of people around me. I struggled greatly but was happy to see many of you. As of December, I was able to walk without the cane. In the beginning of January, I was able to resume full duty and return to work.
I am not writing this today for empathy, pity, or compassion. I hope that all who read this see this as a reclaiming ritual. Today, I find myself reflective over the past year. I have been focusing on healing, not only by the incident, but from past failed relationships, abuse, and history of self deprecation and doubt. I am in the process of finding my strength, joy, and inner peace again. I have come very far in this effort, but I still have a long way to go.
Over the past year, I have discovered who my real friends are, and also discovered who are not genuine. It never ceases to amaze me how a traumatic event can give a reality check. Whether we are aware of it or not, we often need reality checks to determine the difference between toxic relationships and positive ones. We become aware of other lunacies and manipulations, when we are at our most vulnerable. However, I digress. This is not an essay on the dysfunction of toxic relationships. This is my reclaiming ritual. A review or the progress and healing. To acknowledge that my broken pieces are still beautiful.
The healing loss has taken sometime to adjust too, and at times can be quite frustrating. That being said, it could be quite worse. I acknowledge, I could have permanent issues with walking, and my activities of daily living. The hearing loss may be sad, however, it has not unmanageable. My story is not one of martyrdom; it is one of survival and strength.
We all have baggage we carry from our past, but when we focus on the present we are able to achieve great things. When we dwell on our past hurts and fixations, we fail to become successful. Today, I reclaim this moment with positive energy, and deny the scars of this incident to take control ever again.